Why do we seek validation?
The Psychology Behind Validation
Seeking validation is a natural human tendency rooted in our desire to be accepted, valued, and understood by others. It is an emotional need that drives us to seek external affirmation from our peers, family, friends, or society. This need for validation can manifest in various ways, from seeking approval on social media to seeking praise in professional or personal relationships.
At its core, the pursuit of validation is linked to self-esteem and self-worth. When others recognise our efforts, qualities, or achievements, it can reinforce our sense of value and competence. However, an overreliance on external validation can lead to challenges. It can create a dependency where one's self-worth becomes contingent on the opinions of others. This external dependence can lead to anxiety, stress, and a constant need for reassurance, as individuals may fear rejection or disapproval.
Moreover, seeking validation can sometimes cause people to compromise their true selves to fit into societal expectations or please others. This can stifle individuality and authenticity, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction or disconnection from one's true desires and values.
To foster healthier self-esteem, it is important to cultivate internal validation—affirming oneself independently of external opinions. This involves recognising and appreciating one's worth, setting personal goals, and finding fulfilment in one’s achievements. While external validation can be rewarding, it should complement rather than replace the confidence that comes from within.
How Social Media Fuels Our Desire for Approval
Social media has transformed how we connect, communicate, and seek validation. Platforms like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook allow users to share moments, thoughts, and achievements, often receiving instant feedback through likes, comments, and shares. This constant stream of affirmation can significantly impact self-esteem, with many people measuring their worth by online approval. However, the pursuit of validation through social media can also lead to comparison, anxiety, and a distorted sense of self-worth. While it offers opportunities for connection, the pressure to maintain a curated image often creates a cycle of seeking external validation.
Balancing the need for validation with self-acceptance is key to emotional well-being. By valuing our perspectives and experiences, we can build a more resilient and authentic sense of self, less swayed by external judgments and more aligned with our true identity.
Overcoming The Need For Validation
Here are five key strategies for overcoming the need for excessive external validation:
Become Self-Aware:
Reflect on why you seek validation and identify triggers that lead to this behaviour. Understanding the underlying causes, such as insecurity or fear of rejection, can help you address them more effectively.
Build Self-Confidence:
Focus on your strengths, accomplishments, and personal growth. Set small, achievable goals that allow you to succeed on your own terms, reinforcing your self-worth independently of others' opinions.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you fall short of expectations. Self-compassion fosters resilience and reduces the need for external approval.
Limit Social Media Use:
This is the big one - Reduce time spent on social media platforms where validation is often sought through likes and comments. Engage in activities that bring genuine joy and fulfillment, rather than relying on online feedback.
Surround Yourself with Positive Influences:
Build a supportive network of people who appreciate you for who you are, not just for your achievements or appearance. Positive relationships can reinforce your sense of self without the constant need for validation.